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29 octombrie 2018

Your child is the mirror of your family



The experience of a psychologist knows a lot of addresses from parents who are mostly a help cry: "Help me, I have a problem child!" "My son is uncontrollable. What to do?"

But are there problematic children? There is only one answer to this question - no!


There are only problematic parents. And the child is the mirror of the family in which everything reflects: the problems between the parent, the conflicts, the mutual relations between the children and the parents, etc.
In such cases, can the mirror be crooked? This is reflected in the negative and uncontrollable behavior of the child.
Sometimes this difficult behavior can be alleviated or even completely removed. A positive result can be obtained if parents improve their relationship and attitude towards themselves. All of this acts beneficial to the child. But the changes are quite rare, because most parents do not want to polish their shortcomings. They only ask for the child's behavior to be corrected. Generations now are not "difficult," but simply need a healthy development environment.
But there are more and more "difficult" parents. Here are some telling examples.
Parents "generous"
"My child has nothing to lose." Among these parents, they are not always wealthy, but on the contrary. But they believe that if the child wanted something, then he must receive, whether or not it is necessary.
Such parents replace the notion of love with the one to buy. The child needs love and attention, not expensive toys. Do not buy toys just as the baby does not bother you for a while. These parents also hire a nanny. It must necessarily have higher education so that the child develops well intellectually.
Generous parents offer everything and think quietly: "Now children have everything, and I can take care of myself." If you try to tell the opposite of such a parent, he will say, "You can not be happy in poverty."
Parents "anxious"
For these parents any thought or incident about the child is an alarm signal. They worry about every child's movement. But the worst for parents is fear. Fear that the child will not be able to do anything. But if he needs to be helped. Read the book of Necrasov Al. "Love of Mother" and try to answer the question: "Where did the poet's milk appear?"


Parents "tired"
These parents were tired before their children came to the world. They probably made illusions that the family life and the child's education are in pink colors and once they start to face the "everyday difficult life" they suddenly lose interest in marital life and education of children. The key phrases of these parents are: "Do not run!", "Do not climb!", "Do not do that and the other", and the sentence is "I'm tired of you!" Note that the most painful thing for a baby, even for a mature is the lack of attention from your loved ones. And to get that attention he's ready to do anything. It is extremely important to attract attention in different ways. The child wants to draw his parents' attention to him.
"Perfectionist" parents
The parents' slogan is "You must be the best." These parents have at least two graduate universities. They strive to give their child to the most prestigious kindergarten and school. That's why they're ready to go to the other end of the city and give it to meditations to get better. In their opinion, they must be eminent. Moreover, it would seem that teachers overload the intended child with unnecessary discipline, and the most important give them little attention.
Parents "missed"
It is a paradox that these parents, apparently, have acquired a great deal in their lives. Though if we look more closely, then we will see many desires unfulfilled professionally. Their unrealisation was based on various reasons. That's why they try to realize their dreams through their children. This obliges them to study, train, practice for hours, forgetting the wonderful games of childhood.
If they will succeed by a miracle to avoid a nervous breakdown, then they will succeed in realizing their dream. In fact, his parents.
Parents "manipulators"
The child is just a way to influence others: husband, parents, relatives. The phrase "It is not for me, but for the child" is the order of the day. The more helpless or sick the child is, the more likely the parents are to influence the other family members. Often parents try to keep a destructive family and always focus on child issues.
When children grow up in one of the environments described above, they will always try to escape from it. Therefore, unconscious protection mechanisms or other conscious ways of protecting themselves from the reality around, attempts to rationalize their behavior and the desire to avoid loneliness appear unconsciously.
Here's how we often behave with our beloved parents. From here we have to conclude that some of us are problematic, not our children.
 

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Sarah Nelson

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